I am tired of being an introvert…

I can say that now but I love my peace and quiet. Alone time is much needed, I can not do people for to long. I will become antsy and frustrated. That will then make me go into my own world and block out people and noise.

Back to being tired of introversion, I feel as if I could be more extroverted. Communicating more with people that I do not know and building lasting relationships. I am always in the background and would rather not be in the spotlight. That would be fine in certain professions but with the military, it is hard to do. Here, you want to be in the spot light because they will see you as a leader and that will result in awards or leardership positions. How can I possibly do that when I am an introvert? Yes I know what it takes to be a leader and I know a lot about my job but I am comfortable in the background. I don’t want to be anymore, there is a lot I have to offer.

I have a hard time meeting new people and building relationships. This is me: A new person comes and I automatically act as if they are not there. I will probably smile or say hello but that will be it. Starting up a conversation would take a lot out of me. Small talk is torture to me, mainly because I never know what to talk about,  after we talk about the basics. How is your day? Or where are you from? After those I am completely stomped, so I fear the awkward silence that will come. So, I rather just stay to myself, so no awkwardness will arise.

I am an over thinker. A lot of what if’s come into my mind when it comes to people. I am also someone who feeds off of energy. There are people who I automatically connect with and there are others who I can never see myself talking to. I know that could be bad for me because I may miss out on getting to know an awesome person. I’ve missed a lot of those interactions because of my over thinking.

Once you get to know me I am very loud and outgoing but that is only with people I feel comfortable with. A person that dont know me would probably think I am anti social or I don’t talk. Those statements are the worse to say to me. It gets under my skin because I know I am not. I choose to talk when it’s needed and I honestly love being by myself. I am a talker when need to be but I observe more then I talk. It is a gift and a curse. I am aware of my surrounds at all times because I observe but I am constantly pushed out of conversations or forgotton because I don’t speak as much.

If I could be maybe 10% extroverted I would be happy. I would be able to communicate better and see a future in my career. I’ve tried a lot of things to come out of my shell but it seems like this is going to be me forever. I don’t want it to be because I am an adult now. I have a lot to share but I allow myself to fade into the background. To advance in my career and make lasting relationships, I know a few things have to change. 

Am I the only like this? Any suggestions?