I am tired of being an introvert…

I can say that now but I love my peace and quiet. Alone time is much needed, I can not do people for to long. I will become antsy and frustrated. That will then make me go into my own world and block out people and noise.

Back to being tired of introversion, I feel as if I could be more extroverted. Communicating more with people that I do not know and building lasting relationships. I am always in the background and would rather not be in the spotlight. That would be fine in certain professions but with the military, it is hard to do. Here, you want to be in the spot light because they will see you as a leader and that will result in awards or leardership positions. How can I possibly do that when I am an introvert? Yes I know what it takes to be a leader and I know a lot about my job but I am comfortable in the background. I don’t want to be anymore, there is a lot I have to offer.

I have a hard time meeting new people and building relationships. This is me: A new person comes and I automatically act as if they are not there. I will probably smile or say hello but that will be it. Starting up a conversation would take a lot out of me. Small talk is torture to me, mainly because I never know what to talk about,  after we talk about the basics. How is your day? Or where are you from? After those I am completely stomped, so I fear the awkward silence that will come. So, I rather just stay to myself, so no awkwardness will arise.

I am an over thinker. A lot of what if’s come into my mind when it comes to people. I am also someone who feeds off of energy. There are people who I automatically connect with and there are others who I can never see myself talking to. I know that could be bad for me because I may miss out on getting to know an awesome person. I’ve missed a lot of those interactions because of my over thinking.

Once you get to know me I am very loud and outgoing but that is only with people I feel comfortable with. A person that dont know me would probably think I am anti social or I don’t talk. Those statements are the worse to say to me. It gets under my skin because I know I am not. I choose to talk when it’s needed and I honestly love being by myself. I am a talker when need to be but I observe more then I talk. It is a gift and a curse. I am aware of my surrounds at all times because I observe but I am constantly pushed out of conversations or forgotton because I don’t speak as much.

If I could be maybe 10% extroverted I would be happy. I would be able to communicate better and see a future in my career. I’ve tried a lot of things to come out of my shell but it seems like this is going to be me forever. I don’t want it to be because I am an adult now. I have a lot to share but I allow myself to fade into the background. To advance in my career and make lasting relationships, I know a few things have to change. 

Am I the only like this? Any suggestions?


You never truly know a person…

Until you actually talk to them. When you get to know a person and not just their outer selves, they can sometimes give you a different perspective on life.

There is a girl that I am starting to know well. I can assume things based on the outside but I know there is more to her. She stays to herself most of the time but she does have a few close friends. She hides behind her smile and looks away so no one can see her imperfections. Are they imperfections or is it her true beauty? I would say it’s her beauty, her beauty that draws people to her even though she is always said to be shy, quiet, awkward or anti-social. She can’t see that though, I hope that she will someday.

You never truly know a person until you talk to them. Maybe they have a story that they want to share or maybe they don’t. There is this girl that I am starting to know so well. She has a lot of goals and could talk for days about each one. Travel the world she says, start a business or even get married one day. I look at her and her excitement draws me in and I now see her confindence. Does she know she can do all that she sets her mind to? Just as fast as she list her dreams she tears them down in the same breath. How can someone dream so big but feel as if they can accomplish nothing?

There is this girl that I am starting to know well. Wow is she smart and learns so fast.  She really knows her job so well. I am glad she knows her job so well and I can’t find any faults. She tells me it’s hard for her every day just to do her every day job. On the outside I can only see the great things that she has done. In reality it’s a struggle for her. To see other people do so well and make it seem so easy. She gets distracted by their accomplishments and forgets about her own. It seems to me it’s hard for her to take a compliment. Why is that? Can she not see all that she has done? You never truly know a person until you talk to them. Her confidence is weakened everyday by difficulties in life. I tell her that life will seem hard maybe for minutes, hours or days but it will make you stronger in the end.

You never truly know a person until you talk to them. There is this girl that I am starting to know so well. She has it all, beautiful, smart, she has a great heart and the world is hers to take. She tells me one day how she wants to travel, to be confident, to move up in her job and she tells me everything she must do. Word for word, she already knows exactly what she should do. I tell her it sounds great and I am proud of her. She pauses and ask me how, how do I do it? Confused, I can only give her a puzzled look. She tells me she knows everything to do but can never completely do it. She lets her fears come in the way of her goals. She would rather step back and allow someone else the position, so she would not be judged if she messed up. I tell her we all will make mistakes and she will grow from it. She agrees and I see the spark in her eyes again.

There is a girl that I am starting to know very well. This girl is me. Or should I say this woman is me. Everyday I look in the mirror and the negative thoughts can take over but deep down I pull myself back up. I remember the talks with my friends and family and I’m willed back to thinking good thoughts. I am not perfect and I don’t know everything but I do know if you stick to your dreams they will come true. I also know that you never truly know a person, unless you talk to them.